Interesting fa(c)t

In 1960, the average weight for an American male was 166 lbs.

In 2002, the average American male weighed 191 lbs.

Conflict with thy Neighbour

Since I've lived at my new house in Bend, I've had conflicts with many of my neighbours. This is something I've never experienced before, in any of the places I've lived previously in the last 10 years (Seattle, Squamish). I've experienced complaints, but they were always resolved rationally and peacefully. For example in Squamish, there was a time when I used to jam with a drummer up in my music room, and we played quite loud and late occasionally. My neighbour complained about the noise once, and I told them if we did play loud, it would be infrequent, probably not more than an hour or 2, and never after 10 pm. This was reasonable and agreed on, and we remained friends.

So is it Me or is it Them ? Am I surrounded by insensitive Americans, or have I become an uptight complainer freak ? Is it a clash of cultures ? You be the judge. Here's the list of conflicts I've experienced, some of them rather minor :

Conflict #1 :

This was very minor, but produced some interesting results. We'd only been at the new house for a few months. When the weather got better and I was in the backyard more often, I noticed a high-pitched whine occasionally, which appeared to be coming from the vicinity of my direct neighbour's house to the North. I guessed that it was coming from their heating system, and tried to ignore it. Some weeks later, I became curious, and decided to investigate the noise. I found it was eminating from their dryer vent on the side of the house. By fiddling with the vent flap - holding it in a certain position - I was able to reduce the noise significantly. Some time later, I saw my neighbour outside, asked him if he knew anything about the noise - he didn't - and I mentioned what I'd done to eliminate it and asked him politely if he could figure something out. He seemed a bit taken aback, but said he would take care of it, which he eventually did. After that, he seemed much cooler [unfriendly] to me, and a long while later he mentioned casually how he was surprised I'd had the nerve to confront him with the issue. I found this surprising - where I come from no one takes offense over such a minor thing, and issues are usually resolved by people talking to each other... what's the alternative - letters from lawyers ?
And a few other minor things - like when I installed drainage for my property on the side bordering his house, I consulted him on it, and we decided he could hook up his eavestrough pipes to the drainage pipe on my property (him paying his share of the cost). But when he built a fence between our properties later, he never bothered to consult me about it. I found this strange...

Conflict #2 :

Another baffling one that happened early in our Oregon residency. I was out on a mountain bike ride and got lost. This was not unusual, but became an issue since Jennifer had an appointment for something, and I had to be home at a certain time. I finally figured out where I was, got onto a main road, and realized with a superhuman effort I could probably be home on time. While I circled the last roundabout at high speed and took the left turn into our subdivision, I had been travelling about the same speed as a white truck who was going in the same direction. We swapped places a few times, and after the turn, he started slowing down and displaying 'I don't really know where I'm going' type behaviour. I zoomed by him on the left, and hammered it past the few streets to our house, slowing down just enough at the stop signs to make sure there were no oncoming's. I made it just in time, and Jennifer was getting ready to leave.

I had just finished putting away my bike, when I heard a shout from the direction of the street. I looked up, and there was the guy in the white truck - he had followed me to my house ! I approached the vehicle, and he remained in the driver's seat, talking throught the passenger side window. He asked me why I hadn't stopped at the stop signs back there. I remained calm, and said usually on a bike I don't come to a full stop, just slow down, make sure it's safe to cross the intersection, and then keep going. He said I should really stop - I said I didn't think so, that slowing down and checking is good enough. He then said I cut him off back there. Oh-oh, here we go. The guy is still not shouting, but starting to get irrational. He said how would I like it if he didn't stop at the stop signs, what if he ran over my children. OK, the 'asshole' light on this guy's forehead has now started blinking rapidly. I start to lose my cool, and walk rapidly up to his vehicle : "Look, !#$!, do you know how many times cars have almost killed me when I've been on my bike! Don't start telling me about how dangerous bikes are when they have no chance against a 5,000 lb vehicle!" The guy keeps going on about the same stuff. I look back and see my kids looking at me, and realize I have to cut this off. I look down at the ground, point down the street, and say "Get out." He doesn't leave. "Get out!" I say again, shouting it this time, and finally he drives off. Now this would be a normal 'asshole driver' confrontation, if it wasn't for the hilarious ending. As I watch the guy drive off, he crosses the intersection beside our house, and then turns into the next driveway ! Wtf! Does he live there, or is he just visiting. Mouth agape, I see the guy go into the house. He must freaking live there ! What kind of idiot freak-show would chew out a neighbour he's never met !? Wouldn't you try to be diplomatic to a new neighbour, perhaps introduce yourself before berating the hell out of him ? Hmm, what would a normal person do ? Needless to say, I have avoided this jerk and the rest of his family ever since.

Conflict #3 :

This occurred just this morning, with the neighbour across the street to the South of us. This neighbour has been the source of non-stop noise and annoyances ever since he started building on his lot last year. But I have kept my peace most of the time. I have endured the constant construction noise, which for a while was every evening 5pm - 9pm, and all day every weekend day. This is because this guy was doing a lot of the work himself, and did it outside of his regular job hours. For this reason the construction took much longer than normal, and annoyed my family countless times. But we endured it. The only time I went over there to complain was once when it had been quiet all day, and he started up a bulldozer at 6pm, just as we were sitting down to Easter dinner. I thought he was just a contract worker at the time, but then we talked and introduced ourselves. And he reasonably complied with my request to stop working while we ate.

Fast forward to about a month or 2 ago, when for whatever reason, his dog began to bark for long periods of time, like several hours. This went on for a few weeks, and the poor beast just kept barking, the sound very loud as it reverberated off other buildings. It occurred to me that the owner may not know his dog was barking, because it always happened when he was gone. So I went over to talk to him, and let him know what was going on. I was very polite, and he thanked me for letting him know, and said he might try a barking collar, or just not leaving the dog outside. After this it got better (but was by no means eliminated), but good enough for me.

And now we come to the fun stuff. I will try and keep it short :) Anyways he has a very loud truck that he starts at 6am, and he lets it idle noisily for 10 or 15 minutes to warm up. This went on all last winter, and while it sometimes woke me up and disturbed me, I let it go, because it seemed it was just a fact of life, and not worth raising a fuss over. It got better in the summmer because the warm-up time decreased to only a few minutes. It started getting colder a few weeks ago, and here we go again with the extended noise. Oh well, put some earplugs in and go back to sleep. But then I noticed that the sound was louder than before. One morning I was curious, and got out of bed to check it out. What I see is a truck parked on the side of the road beside our property. Oh, so it's someone else's truck, maybe like he's carpooling with somebody. But squinting in the darkness I realize it probably is the guy's truck. Why is he parking it there ? As my eyes adjust in the faint light, I see why : he's playing some ball game with his dog while the truck warms up, the headlights aimed down the street so they can see.

For a couple of weeks I ponder what to do. I don't feel like being a picky SOB and complaining. On the other hand, it is rather annoying - maybe he doesn't realize that our bedroom wall is only 30 feet away from his truck - so I should find some non-confrontational way of letting hime know it disturbs me. Finally last night I realize I have to take action, so I grab a beer from the fridge and walk over there - I will offer him the beer, and ask him if he wouldn't mind not idling his truck right outside our house. He's home, but I ring the doorbell several times to no avail - not answering for whatever reason. What's funny is that through the side glass, I see his dog come up to the door each time I ring, and he doesn't bark !
So this morning the loud noise wakes me up again. I put on a jacket and shoes - still in pajamas - and walk over there. Perfect timing - he comes out of his house just as I approach. Doesn't recognize me at first as it's dark - so I identify myself, and ask him if he wouldn't mind not idling his truck so long, as it's pretty loud and a bit disturbing. He is a bit flustered - I explain about the proximity of the bedrooms in our house to the street. And then he starts getting hot - saying it's part of his routine, he needs to see down the street so he parks it out there, etc. etc., in a 'You're not telling ME what to do!' kind of voice. I remain calm, and point out that what he's doing is actually against the noise bylaws (which it is, I researched it). Then he mutters something and jumps into his truck, slams the door, and takes off. Hmm, that didn't go over so well :) Got up on the wrong side of the bed ? Not a morning person ?

Idiot Cell Phone User Moment #3

I'm riding my bike in the bike lane, heading towards a 4-way stop (yes all the fun stuff seems to happen on the bike). The road splits into 2 lanes before the stop, and I need to get into the left one to continue going straight. I check behind me - only 1 car about 100 feet behind, and cross left over the right-turn lane to the central lane. As I'm about to go forward through the intersection, the car which was behind me, and is turning right, yells out his window something like "Hey asshole! Why don't you signal before you cut me off!". Hmm, somehow I have deeply offended this jerk. I just stare at him as he peels off around the corner, and then I notice he's got a cell-phone stuck to his right ear ! Gee I am so sorry I was the cause of an interruption to your important conversation. Your driving habits are exemplary! Next time I encounter you I will be sure to get your plate number and contact the police so you can receive your 'Best Driver' award. Oh, I might also mention something about erratic drunken driving behaviour - just kidding - not.

Burrito de Desayuno Muerto

Last Friday : rode bike to work. It was like a ghost-town ! No traffic at all, and I left my house at 7:55 a.m., usually a peak time for traffic congestion. Coicidentally, all schools were having a pedagogical day on Friday - no class for students, just parent-teacher meetings. Hmm, conclusion ? 90% of traffic must be from parents shuttling kids to/fro school ! Action ? None... though it would be interesting to do a survey of all students one day, asking them how they got to school.

Blog entry title ? Something I saw squished on the road.

Idiot Cell Phone User Moment #5

It's around noon on a Friday, and I'm doing my weekly lunch-time run along the Deschutes River. Where I start from it's very open and urban, and the trail runs along a wide treeless border, with good visibility. Way up ahead I see another runner, and I observe that their gait is rather unusual, as if their body is trying to rotate around with each step. I wonder if perhaps the person only has one arm, and is just trying to do their best to go in a straight line, that task made difficult by the unevenness in their anatomy. As I get a bit closer, I realize the person does have 2 arms, but one of the arms is raised with the palm pressing against the head. Hmm, it appears as if the person has a head injury, and is probably holding some absorbent pad against their head to stem the flow of blood. Closer still, and I joke to myself that maybe it is a cell phone pressed against their ear. But no, who could be that stupid - to run along with a spastic gait, risking injury and looking like an idiot, just to continue a conversation on a cell phone. However this appears to be what's happening, and I increase my speed, so as to make sure to witness such folly. Yes, this woman is indeed enjoying a bumpy, sweaty, panting cell phone moment while she jogs along, her body gyrating spastically in a twisting motion that can only result in many trips to the chiropractor. I run by with mouth agape, trying to understand the mind of someone who would carry on so. Is it not enough to be out enjoying the beautiful sunshine and the view while you run along ? If you could, would you strap a TV to your head so you could watch soap operas while you run ? Are you so constrained for time that you must combine all your activities into one, never really doing any single one properly because you feel you will get so far behind ? If you could drag along behind you a device that would chop vegetables and fry a steak, and then blend it all into a mush that is infused into your veins via a tube, would you do so, so you wouldn't have to take time to prepare and eat a meal ? Do you keep your cell phone ever handy, even answering it when it rings as you are groaning out your morning turd ? I pity you Cell Phone User, and I hope you don't veer off the trail while you are talking, fall down the river bank and drown in the fast flowing water. However I am sure that if you did manage to stay afloat in this case, you would still be clutching the phone to your ear, telling the person on other end of the line about what just happened, and hearing them laugh their ass off before they veer across the median of the road they're driving on and impale their vehicle on a lamp post. Goodbye.

A Sobering Count

Today was 'Bike to Work' day for me - I'm trying to bike one day a week - if everybody did that, then 20% less cars on the road, etc. Of course I should bike to work more often - it takes less than 15 minutes, while driving takes about 10. But seeing as how I often carry my bike in the car so I can do a workout at lunch, and want to save energy by avoiding the bike commute... well I just drive usually.

Anyways I notice that I don't see many other bike commuters, and the roads are packed with commuting cars. So I decided to do a count on the way home, and the results were : 189 cars, 4 bikes. Hmm, seems we should be able to do a lot better than that. I must start a campaign. Bike to work, polluting assholes ! You lazy pot-bellied, cell-phone yacking, bike cut-offing, smelly, ugly, combustion-engine dependent turds ! And stop driving your effing kids to school. Every morning there's a freaking traffic jam at every school road entrance thingy, as giant gas-schmucking SUV's are used to transport kids 1.7 miles to school when they could easily walk or bike. And what the f*ck are you teaching your kids anyways, set an example, c'mon!

Strange Coincidence

A few days ago, I woke up one morning after a strange dream, where I was helping take a sick camel through dangerous Middle East territory, so it could die in peace in its proper resting ground. My daughter gets up, comes downstairs, and shows me a picture of a camel she drew after she woke up. I don't recall every dreaming about a camel before, nor have I ever seen my daughter draw one.

Mr. Hinke

When I was 2, I used to pee on the neighbour's lawn. Sometimes I would leave a turd on their back porch.