Idiot Cell Phone User Moment #5

It's around noon on a Friday, and I'm doing my weekly lunch-time run along the Deschutes River. Where I start from it's very open and urban, and the trail runs along a wide treeless border, with good visibility. Way up ahead I see another runner, and I observe that their gait is rather unusual, as if their body is trying to rotate around with each step. I wonder if perhaps the person only has one arm, and is just trying to do their best to go in a straight line, that task made difficult by the unevenness in their anatomy. As I get a bit closer, I realize the person does have 2 arms, but one of the arms is raised with the palm pressing against the head. Hmm, it appears as if the person has a head injury, and is probably holding some absorbent pad against their head to stem the flow of blood. Closer still, and I joke to myself that maybe it is a cell phone pressed against their ear. But no, who could be that stupid - to run along with a spastic gait, risking injury and looking like an idiot, just to continue a conversation on a cell phone. However this appears to be what's happening, and I increase my speed, so as to make sure to witness such folly. Yes, this woman is indeed enjoying a bumpy, sweaty, panting cell phone moment while she jogs along, her body gyrating spastically in a twisting motion that can only result in many trips to the chiropractor. I run by with mouth agape, trying to understand the mind of someone who would carry on so. Is it not enough to be out enjoying the beautiful sunshine and the view while you run along ? If you could, would you strap a TV to your head so you could watch soap operas while you run ? Are you so constrained for time that you must combine all your activities into one, never really doing any single one properly because you feel you will get so far behind ? If you could drag along behind you a device that would chop vegetables and fry a steak, and then blend it all into a mush that is infused into your veins via a tube, would you do so, so you wouldn't have to take time to prepare and eat a meal ? Do you keep your cell phone ever handy, even answering it when it rings as you are groaning out your morning turd ? I pity you Cell Phone User, and I hope you don't veer off the trail while you are talking, fall down the river bank and drown in the fast flowing water. However I am sure that if you did manage to stay afloat in this case, you would still be clutching the phone to your ear, telling the person on other end of the line about what just happened, and hearing them laugh their ass off before they veer across the median of the road they're driving on and impale their vehicle on a lamp post. Goodbye.