A day in the life

Every now and then, I read random blogs, and quickly get bored out of my mind at the insignificant minutae that is reported concerning that person's life. Like pages and pages about how their cat Friskers likes to eat carrots, but won't go near parsnips. Or even worse, depressing diatribes about failures and regrets in life. And much, much worse, bad poetry philosophising about all of the above. So not to be outdone, here is a day [today] in my life :

5:22 am : Wake up. Think about getting out of bed sometime soon. I plan on going skiiing before work. Should get up before 6 am. Hmm, try to sleep more. Nope, have to pee.
5:30 am : Get out of bed. Fart and scratch balls. Pick at syphalis scabs [wait, I didn't write that, it was the little green devil sitting on my shoulder!]. Some of you may decide to stop reading at this point - that is fine.
5:35 am : Drink orange juice, pop multi-vitamin. Pee.
5:40 am : Turn on computer
5:45 am : Start making lunch
5:50 am : Go back to computer and log on, then continue making lunch
6:00 am : Hear annoying neighbour start up his diesel rig (annoying since it wakes me up, as I am usually sleeping at 6 am). Wonder why he needs to keep it idling loudly for 10 minutes - maybe he's getting a goodbye blowjob from his chihauhau.
6:05 am : Put cereal in bowl. These brown sugar and maple MiniWheats are too intense. Add milk and eat cereal.
6:10 am : Check weather and snow report on computer. All systems go.
6:15 am : Brush teeth, get dressed.
6:25 am : Load car with skis and stuff. Start car, rev engine loudly, and blast horn a few times.
6:30 am : Drive away at high speed.
6:50 am : Arrive at snow park, put on skis.
6:55 am : Start down trail, and ski for 2 1/2 hours. Smile and nod at the odd skier, who look afraid that I either want to chat with them or kill them.
9:35 am : Back at car. Pack up and drive to work at high speed.
9:55 am : Arrive at work. 5 minutes early ! Wait, no that's 25 minutes late.
10:05 am : Get coffee. Aaaargh I can't take it anymore - I think I will jab this parsnip into my eye and bleed all over my desk !