The Weasel Report

Have you encountered any of these lower life-forms ?

4-way Stop Sign Weasel : Tries to pull a fast one at 4-way stops, by going out of turn. When confronted (by honking at them, or via hand gestures), denies culpability and becomes aggressive.

10 Items Or Less Weasel : Shows up at the Supermarket Express Checkout with substantially more items than are allowed. A great opportunity here for embarassment ! Usually feigns confusion or heart attack when confronted.

Airport boarding line-up Merger Weasel : When the line-up forms for boarding an aircraft, this species of Weasel will drift imperceptibly into the middle of the line rather than going to the rear. Can be identified by the rapidly darting eyes with little or no head movement.

Coke Whore 20 Dollar Bill Stealing Weasel : When snorting cocaine with this Weasel, and it is time to roll up a bill to start the party, he will pat his pockets, make some comment about not knowing where his wallet is, and then ask you for a $20 dollar bill. Later, when everybody is wasted, he will sneak off and 'forget' to give the $20 bill back. This never happened to me, ever.

Annoying Humans' Impositions

"The world is my ashtray!", said the Smoker.
"Your yard is my dog's outhouse!", said the Dog Owner.
"You must enjoy my conversation!", said the Loud Cell Phone Talker.
"You must travel at my speed!", said the Slow Driver.
"The forest is my garbage dump!", said the Irresponsible Sportsman.

Soaking in alcohol

From a recent study :

"...A binge drinker was defined as someone who had five or more alcoholic drinks on at least one occasion in the last 30 days...."

Harsh!