Schnee-Schuh Verbotten !

I was traipsing along in the forest this morning on my cross-country skis, enjoying the fresh snow and thinking deep thoughts about the origin of the universe. The rising sun was casting bright horizontal rays through the trees, creating a wonderland of light and shadow. I paused halfway through my journey at the warming hut, where I enjoyed the beautiful vista before me : snowy forested hills and valleys all lit in relief by the afore-mentioned sunny rays. I sipped some refreshment and munched some nourishment. A couple of jays flittered by and I tossed them a crumb. Soon I was on my way again, and as I picked up the trail on the other side of the hut, I was suddenly confronted with the most horrible of sights !

The trail had become a huge unsightly gash ! What previously had been a narrow smooth trail with 2 ski tracks, was now transformed into a deep, wide, and bumpy trench. I stood there with jaw dropping and eyes a-bugging, unable for a few seconds to comprehend what I was seeing. It seemed as though a parade of ugly smelly trolls had marched down the trail, oblivious to the destruction they were causing. Yes, you guessed it, Snowshoers !

I had crossed paths with the Snowshoers many times this year. They had been causing random distruction off and on through the season. Sometimes all would be quiet for several weeks, then one day you would find your favorite trail destroyed. It seemed to be worse during the holiday season, where I could imagine gifts of snowshoes were opened Christmas morning, and newly spawned Snowshoers descended on the trails, ignorant of protocols that had been put in place to keep everyone in their rightful places. Special snow show trails had been constructed in the past few years (to handle the growing scourge), and trailhead signs directed those wearing the foul contraptions where they might go. I believed they might learn to use the trails properly, and if they did happen to mistakenly find their way onto a ski trail, I hoped they would have read the signs that instructed them to keep to one side of the ski tracks.

On this particular day I had actually been thinking how nice it had been of late, with the Snowshoers apparently learning their place and sticking to their own foul ruts. And now this ! How to stop this plague ?

As I skied on down the bumpy track, my teeth rattling and my mouth set in a grim line, I thought about the task ahead : how to train the Snowshoer to not trample on ski trails - an apparently simple concept. Obviously they are of limited intelligence, as evidenced by their failure to read and comprehend the signs at the trailhead. Perhaps many of them can not read. But they appear unable to understand basic signs with simple pictures on them as well : the ski trails are marked with small signs that have a picture of a skier on them, while the snow show trails have a picture of a Snowshoer. Maybe they do not pay attention to signs at all, and just blindly follow ski trails like dumb animals. I have seen herds of them out on the trails, their heads down as they plod along, oblivious to their surroundings. Sometimes I feel pity for them, as they seem rather placid and stupid in their ignorant pursuit. But then as I catch one touching a ski trail, and politely remind them of the correct protocol, they often snarl viciously, their small close-set eyes glittering briefly as they express resentment at my intrusion into their vacant pursuit. Then I begin to feel the seeds of hatred...